I realize that you’re probably used to seeing a DIY furniture or home décor post from me on a Monday night, but I thought it was about time for me to get a little vulnerable and share some of my heart with all of you. There are countless people in this world, Christian or otherwise, who feel ashamed and alone in their own imperfections. I’m here to spread the word that no one is alone, and that overcoming our imperfections isn’t an overnight process.
Right around two years ago, I was gracefully saved from an eating disorder called Anorexia Nervosa. Over the course of the disorder, I pushed my obsessive self-control to the point that I had lost nearly 35 pounds from starvation. I won’t go into all of the details in this post; the full story is available here if you’d like to hear more about it. What I would like to detail is how, even two years later, Jesus is still my strength through my weight struggle and how He can be the strength in your struggles as well.
Now, back to my story. Two years ago, I had a dramatic realization that I was slowly but surely starving myself to death. I made the decision then to turn it around and give God the control I had been seeking. After reading articles and blog posts about regaining weight after anorexia, I knew I had a long journey ahead of me. It took months, but I eventually began to put on the weight that I had lost throughout my disorder.
When you’re a woman who’s deliberately aiming to gain weight, it’s very easy to gain too much and become self-conscious – this is exactly what happened to me. To make a long story short, I’ve recently began to try and eat healthier in order to lose fat and gain muscle, becoming more fit as a whole. That sounds great, doesn’t it? It is great, but also tricky for someone who has struggled with an eating disorder.
When thinking about losing weight, my mind easily went back to the idea of eating little to nothing for quick results. It was actually terrifying how easy it was to return to that way of thinking. I am happy to say that I haven’t gone that far this time, but the thought alone is enough to cause shame and guilt. If I’m cured, why do my thoughts still go to starvation? If I’m saved, why aren’t I overcoming this? If I’m Christian, then why aren’t I perfect?
Because I am human.
That’s the answer every single time. I am not meant for perfection, no matter how much I strive for it. There has only been one perfect human to ever live, and His grace is what covers our shortcomings. In Psalms 73:26 it says, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Much later in the Bible, in 2 Corinthians 12:10, Paul wrote, “For Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
These were written by men that God used to bring His word into physical formation, and they had struggles just like we do today. Throughout the Bible, we are shown evidence of the necessity to have faith through difficulties. God has our back when we feel like we aren’t good enough. He protects us through our weaknesses, as long as we’re able to recognize Him. While my struggle may be with my eating disorder, this same notion applies to anything you may be going through.
When you have faith that God’s grace is present, imperfections and shortcomings are nothing to fear. After all, we’re all humans lacking something – it’s with Jesus that we are made complete. It’s with His power that we can conquer anything that lies ahead of us. This is my reminder that you may be imperfect, but that’s okay, because we all are. The God of the universe is on your side and He wants you to lean on Him. Just remember this – overcoming isn’t overnight. Is this what’s missing from your mindset?