Yes, you read that right. I know that you’ve probably always told yourself, “I will never change so that someone will love me.” You’re right to think this – mostly. I fully believe that a person should not have to change who they are so that someone will love them. However, when you’re in a relationship, you may need to make some changes to better love them. Here are a few reasons why:
1. They Probably Receive Love Differently Than You Do
Some of you may have heard of a book called “The 5 Love Languages.” This is a phenomenal book by Gary Chapman explaining how people feel most loved usually through one of five love languages. These are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. If your significant other feels most loved through an area you aren’t strong in, your relationship will lack until you make some changes to how you express your love. If you’ve never heard of these, I suggest you check out this website and learn more about it.
2. Healthy Compromise is Essential
There are things in life that are important that you don’t compromise on. Things like religious views, moral standpoints, and life goals should not be altered to fit a mold someone else has formed for you. So, what are healthy areas to compromise in? These things can range from boundaries with the opposite sex, to how often you go out to eat every week. If you don’t feel that it’s going to hinder who you are as a person, you can probably come to a compromise in that area. You may find that making a few healthy compromises in your relationship can be hugely beneficial.
3. Who We Are Before Them May Not Be Our Best Self
This one may come a little harder for some of us. It’s very possible that you have habits that you see as okay, but really aren’t. You may look at your problem areas and say, “that’s just who I am, deal with it.” The reality is that we shouldn’t force another person to deal with something we shouldn’t be doing in the first place. Things like insecurities, bad habits, and a negative attitude are our responsibility, not theirs. Making changes in areas like this are necessary in order to have a functional relationship.
As a whole, people are inherently afraid of change. We’re afraid of accepting that we lack in certain areas, or we don’t want to conform to another person’s idea of “right.” However, if we can make changes to the areas that are unhealthy or causing issues, our love lives will benefit greatly. Just be sure that in making changes, you aren’t letting go of who you are as a person.
I’d love to hear your stories on this. What are some areas you’ve had to make changes in? If you know someone who needs to hear this, please feel free to share it with them!